Well here we are at the last day. The end of days.
For those of you who don’t know. This is my last day working as a sales rep for a games distributor. I’d like to say that I made the decision to move on to greener pastures or something like that. But no. I was actually canned. Fired. Terminated. Asked to get the hell out. But they did it in a nice manner in which they asked for my two weeks. In turn I managed to finagle till the 30th of June. The stipulation was that if I found employment elsewhere before that date I would submit my notice.
That elsewhere employment I found was working for Williams Pipeline. We’ll go into that on another day in another post.
Yes. Here we are on the last day as a sales rep at a desk job.
I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you that there’s a surreal feeling that comes over an employee on their last day. A feeling of odd empowerment in which you can do anything.
I started the day with a check list of things I wanted to get done before the end of my last day. It started out with noble intentions. But with all things I put my mind to it became a bit warped. I’ve managed to complete all the tasks on my list and have begun doing other things which I haven’t added to the list yet. So far here is what we have:
| Action | Status | Outcome |
| Clean out the office: | DONE | Clean office |
| Give unwanted items as gifts to coworkers: | DONE | Bewildered coworkers |
| Read over all the funny emails: | DONE | Maniacal laughter |
| Stroll aimlessly through the offices: | DONE | n/a |
| Call all customers and let them know you're leaving: | DONE | Many well wishes from people who hate you |
| Send out a mass email to everyone in the company: | DONE | Many well wishes from people who hate you |
| Dance up and down the hallways: | DONE | Instant 30 min. dance party |
| Laugh maniacally at random: | DONE | Scared coworkers |
| Grind crotch on office chairs and desks: | DONE | People afraid to touch things |
| Punch a coworker: | DONE | Laughter of many. Hurt chest of one. |
| Use the term "Fuck your face" continuously: | DONE | Riotous laughter and some bewilderment. |
| Loom over people as they work: | DONE | Wary coworkers |
| Glare at anyone who makes eye contact: | DONE | Scared coworkers |
| Hiss at anyone who talks to you: | DONE | Scared coworkers |
| Make lewd comments to coworkers: | DONE | Giggles |
| Proposition people for sexual acts: | DONE | No takers. (Thank goodness) |
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