Snack Time Terror *filler material*

I bought a "Slim Jim" from 7-11 today for lunch.
Just a little something snack on around 3 or 4 when I'm feeling restless and in that snacky mood.

Well I've commenced the snacking and realized something very WRONG with my choice in munchies.

I've been chewing on the same first bite of this so-called snack for about 3 minutes now. I'm hesitant to attempt to actually ingest this thing as it still seems to have plenty of vigor left. It's very resistant to the continual grinding and brutalizing it is suffering between my molars. What is this thing?! Did I somehow end up with the Bizzaro World snack item? Did I mistakenly pickup an underworld 20th level of hell version?

How long do I have to fight this accursed devil stick before I can actually consume it?

It's like chewing on faux meat flavored gum. Except chewier and with less satisfaction.

Is this what a cow goes through when it chews its cud?
This is quite disturbing... yet I persist.

I may give up in a few moments. I may pull the slobbery still intact remains of whatnot from my displeased maw. I may even toss it over the cubicle wall at my coworkers. I mean what repercussions could they deliver upon me? I don't think much (beyond using fecal matter or inappropriate body parts) could best having processed/re-processed chewed on not even meat nastiness soar through the air, strike you in the face, and then stick there until removed. See scenario below:

Me- Hey John!
John- What's up man?
Me- I've got a present for you!
John- It's not a kick in the junk is it?
Me- Nope. That was last week.
John- ok
Me- Here ya go!
*THWACK!* (note that it's a thwack and not a splat due to the fact that this thing is still somewhat solid in substance)
John- NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! why? WHY?!
Me- *maniacal laughter of the damned*
John- You have dishonored me, and my entire family. In order to regain my honor I will have to commit ritual suicide!
Me- Holy crap! Are you serious?!
John- Yes.. it is the only way.
Me- Want to borrow my pocketknife?
John- That would be nice.. Thanks. You're a good friend.
Me- Less chat more cut.
John- Hold on I have to prep.
Me- blah blah blah.. Hurry up and make with the shanking!

And there you have it. I believe I've proven my case with that. And the whole time I've still been chewing on the same chunk of immortal slim jim!


There are two things that I chew on for this long.
1. Gum... actual gum
2. The flesh of my freshly slain enemies.... you HAVE to savor that stuff.