Pirates, Ninjas, and Lagomorphs

So I was thinking. I should definitely become a cop. After the run in with a K9 Unit I toyed with the idea of becoming a person of authority. I could found the Lepus Unit. No seriously. Horses are employed for their speed. Dogs, because of their keen sense of smell. Well why not rabbits? Their superior sense of hearing and danger could be of great use.

Can you imagine stepping out of your home to come face to face with a officer who has a pissed off lop ear at their side? Hollywood would eat it up! They’d make heartwarming family movies about a hard edged grizzled cop forcibly teamed up with an adorable fuzzy bunny. Of course it’s rough in the beginning as cop is a cold heartless man who’s seen more than his fair share of crime, brutality, and victims. Meanwhile bunny is.. well disgustingly cute but also trained to be the ULTIMATE police sidekick. Eventually through comical antics and life savings abounds cop’s heart warms up to bunny and they become an unstoppable team for JUSTICE! Toss in a love interest and maybe a kid or two. I’m thinking Christopher Walken, Denzel Washington, Chrisitan Bale, or Bruce Willis to play the part of ‘cop’.

Of course there would be a lot of training and probably steroids involved. And I’m not talking about using your run of the mill mini puffball bunny. I’m talking about of these big guys:

Hell, throw a saddle on that bastard and you can replace the police horse. Look at that! I just created the US Mounted Lepus Force. Of course people will joke around and call them “Hoppies” or “Hoppers”. But not after they get a dose of teeth gnashing giant rabbit rage.

(Can you tell I’m really bored?)

Last night I had settled down to watch the third and last movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Of course beer and boredom was involved. I’d have a whole write up and list of Life Lessons for you but I was interrupted with.. (Drum Roll)….. THE RETURN OF THE KITCHEN NINJA!

During the movie the rabbits began thumping trying to alert everyone of impending danger. (See! Helpful bunnies.) When I went to see what was so threatening to them I spied the infamous Kitchen Ninja as he deftly ducked for cover. So with 4 beers in me I deemed it necessary to dispose of him. That night was pretty much spent in a drunken rampage flinging furniture around as I tried to catch and eradicate him. But before that I actually had to round up rabbits and return them to their homes. Then the rampage. (I did not succeed in the eradication.)

Quote of the night: “Dammit rabbit! You’re 10 times his size! Stop running from him and just kick his ass!”

(Sometimes my life is just plain sad.)